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obiwankobe
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Post by obiwankobe »

Jay Leno: “What a crowd. You sound like a bunch of National Guard troops who just found out they're going to San Diego instead of Baghdad.”

Jay Leno: “Last night, President Bush announced a big change in immigration policy. He's gonna get one.”

Jay Leno: “President Bush is proposing sending 6,000 National Guard troops to bolster patrols along the US/Mexican border. Or, as he's calling it, ‘No Juan left behind.’”

Jay Leno: “President Bush said these troops will be at the border temporarily, you know, until Mexico is ready to govern itself. Sound familiar?”

Jay Leno: “President Bush also said in his speech that immigrants have to learn English. The immigrants said, ‘Hey, you first.’”

Jay Leno: “A British scientist has built a car he claims gets 8,000 miles on a gallon of gas. And today, Dick Cheney invited the guy to go hunting with him and a couple of buddies from Exxon.”

Jay Leno: “According to Men's Health magazine, it costs men an average of $10,000 to have an affair. $10,000 or as Bill Clinton calls it, ‘Deal!’”

Jay Leno: It was a “great episode of ‘24’ last night. More intrigue, lying, cover-up, electronic eavesdropping, or as the White House calls it, ‘Reality TV.’”

David Letterman: “President Bush thinks it's time we do something special about illegal immigration. I'm thinking, ‘My gosh, he nipped that in the bud.’”

David Letterman: “He says, before immigrants can become citizens of the United States, they should be able to speak proper English. Be able to speak proper English, except for the word ‘nuclear.’”

David Letterman: “Here's what they're going to do now at the Mexican border, according to President Bush. The Mexican border will now have surveillance cameras and motion detectors. Our borders will be as secure as the Gap.”

David Letterman: “Here's everybody's nightmare. Ted Kennedy is flying somewhere up in New England over the weekend, and the aircraft was struck by lightning. Thank God everybody was safe and they landed safely, but talk about an ordeal. Then he had to ride home from the airport with his son Patrick, and oh, my God.”

Conan O’Brien: “Senator Hillary Clinton is being criticized because she recently called today's college kids lazy and uninformed. Yeah, a spokesperson for college kids said, ‘Whatever, lady from TV.’”
-tom

~"Let there be no conflict in America, if you bother me, I whup yo' ass."~Charles Barkley
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*Annie*
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Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2005 12:42 pm
Location: The Valley!

Post by *Annie* »

So funny.
"Bitches, don't you know I'm being sarcastic?!"
-Julian Casablancas
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