With the Economy being what it is: 10 money saving dates

[obiwankobe]

1. The I forgot My ATM Card Date.

While the “I forgot my wallet” excuse is passé and no longer fit for business, the “I forgot/lost my ATM card” should work for a few more years. Use this when you can’t afford a date but still feel like going out. Best used as a preemptive strike: “I’d love to go out but I lost my ATM card yesterday”. Use sparingly and don’t forget to hide it the ATM card while it’s “lost”. Important Note: Not recommended for first dates.

COST: FREE!

2. The “Let’s Have A Few At My Place Before We Go Out” Date.

Executing this one is all about finesse. Don’t be sleazy or pushy about it. Like Mr. Miyagi said about the Crane Kick: “If done properly, no can defend”, the same holds true here.

COST: $5-10

3. The Nature Date.

While we think hiking and bike riding is pretty lame and a waste of energy, it can be a great way to save your precious dollars and impress a woman. Women are turned on by athletic ability and unless you’re a total wimp you should be able to ride a bike faster than her and climb up a hill quicker. Important Caveat: medical bills are expensive! One injury could negate all the useful tips in this list. Don’t do anything stupid or daring and if you see a scary animal don’t try to protect her, make a run for it!

COST: $0-5


4. The “Romantic Dinner At Home” Date.

I can hear the eyes rolling already. Before you drop-kick your computer monitor displaying this site, hear me out. If you watch TV a lot like I do you know that women like men to try and be “sweet” and make a nice meal, but trying is all it takes. If you start acting like Emerill in the kitchen she’ll think you’re a tool and so will we. So here’s what to do: buy the ingredients for a nice meal and invite her over. Get some wine. Start cooking and burn your finger or fake some other minor injury. She will then take over. Also, she’ll think it’s cute and sweet that you tried but even cuter that you failed.

ADVANCED ONLY: Pretend to have forgotten an ingredient, preferably the most expensive part, i.e. “Hey I forgot to pick up Saffron($500/lb), can you get some on your way?”

COST: $35-40


5. The House Party Date.

House Parties can be a great way to impress a new girl and hang out with your friends at the same time. They are also a great way to save some cabbage. Urge your friends to have parties more often and always bring a date. Do not have house parties yourself as they are costly and generally not advantageous for the host (read: you most likely will not get laid).

COST: $10-20


6. The “We’re Just Friends” Date.

Women have been using the “Let’s get to know each other and see what happens” crap for years. Now you can too, and save some money at the same time. Until the moment that you let her know you’re romantically interested in her, you are not bound by the rules of decorum to pay for anything. SUSTAINABILITY : If you end up making out with the “just friends “ girl don’t let this be seen as a blow to your wallet. Simply wake up the next morning and call her , saying: “Did we make out last night? We’re bad, we were becoming such good friends. Let’s take it slow”. Rinse and repeat.

COST: FREE

7. The “My Dog/Old Family Member Just Died” Date.

Show me the devil woman who will make you pay for a date when your dog or family member has just died. I myself killed off a great-grandmother on four different occasions last summer.

COST: FREE

8. The Coffee Date.

Ever see those creepy guys on white Macbooks in coffee shops and bookstores? Why are they surfing the net at a bookstore with no privacy? Two reasons:


1. They’re broke (because they spent so much on the Macbook)

2. They want to get laid.

Take a page from their playbook, but actually invite a date there. Coffee is relatively cheap and it’s a good way to springboard to another cheap date later that evening. I suggest #2 or #3.

EXPERTS ONLY: Look at DVDs and when she finds one that she likes exclaim “I haven’t seen that in forever, let’s go to my place and watch it!”. Use the poor weather as an excuse for spending the day inside. If it’s a hot day out, use that as an excuse. The following day, bring DVD back and say that its unplayable on your player.

COST: $5-10

9. The Gentleman Date.

Do the ordering for the two of you like a gentleman, but instead of ordering her a main course, order her a side salad and when she looks at you like she wants more food, ask her "if she really needs it".

ADVANCED: eat a meal before the date so you’re not tempted to splurge on expensive restaurant food.

COST: $20-25


10. Date Younger or Older Chicks.

Young chicks don’t have any money so they are used to low-key dates and all you need is beer and an apartment and you’re like Larry from Three’s Company in their eyes. The second you date a girl with a job her expectations will go way up. Older chicks (also known as Cougars) usually have money and feel bad for robbing the cradle so they’ll pick up a few checks here and there. Whereas they used to care about money, they already divorced and cleaned out the captain of industry and now they just want a young captain of the mattress.

ADVANCED: Date both at once. Why not? You always hear crazy old chicks and dumb young chicks say “variety is the spice of life”.

COST: FREE-$20

[rotter]

Getting a blowjob after the date...P-r-i-c-e-l-e-$-$